Exposure is something you can die from.
Ok, that applies to weather, but you sure can't pay your rent with "exposure". There are times when it can lead to good paying gigs. Sadly, more often than not, it's a waste of your time. Here's a few things to help you determine if the exposure being offered has any value, and how to get the most from it.
Perceived value is important.
Retail stores use it all the time because it works - "Retail price $199, your price $139". People shell out $139 because they believe they're getting a deal. So when you play for "exposure", what is your perceived value? Nothing, unless the exposure itself has value. Is it exposure to a few bar regulars who couldn't care less about your music? Then your perceived value is zero. If the exposure is a mention of your performance on a local tv or radio station, then it might be hard to quantify but there is value, and you probably want to do this gig.
New bands trying to get some traction will often do free shows for exposure (and experience). Understandable. But give that show a perceived value - give the venue a bill with a reasonable fee for the performance, but mark the bill "fee waived". Now the venue owner knows that you value your performance, and knows you won't always play for free.
The dive bar.
This is where I expect to see start-up bands that haven't found their stage legs yet. It's more like a practice than a performance, and they're happy to do it for free. The bar isn't likely making much (if any) extra money because of the band. This scenario is where playing for exposure (or more accurately, experience) makes sense.
The upscale club.
I've never had an upscale club ask us to play for exposure, but I've heard stories. It's a no-brainer. They wouldn't be asking you to play there if they didn't think you were good. They're trying to take advantage of you. Just say no.
Festivals.
I don't know about other states, but in Texas, from March through October you can't throw a rock without hitting a festival. This is one place where playing for exposure might make good sense, but it largely depends on the festival. How big is it? How many attendees do they expect? How many bands are playing? Are any well-known bands playing? Is the festival promoting your genre of music or is it a hodgepodge of many genres?
A band trying to get traction in a particular area could benefit from playing a festival there, especially if the festival is geared toward the same genre - after all, you will be playing to people who want to hear good music.
What about charity gigs and benefit concerts?
Charity or benefit gigs could give you valuable exposure, depending on a few factors : Will a fair number of the attendees be in your target demographic? Will the charity advertise your band? Will they allow you to sell your merch and keep those proceeds?
Another thing to consider with charity events is fairness. Is the venue being paid? Are the wait staff being paid? Don't be afraid to ask these questions. If others are being paid to work the event, it would be unfair to expect the main draw - the entertainment - to work for free.
Benefits are often held in bars, where you already know the answers to those questions - the bar staff IS getting paid. The bar WILL make money from the benefit. I think it's only fair that the entertainment makes enough money to at least cover travel expenses.
There may be a benefit or charity that you believe in and want to support. If it's something you would open your wallet for, then maybe you would feel good about donating your talent as well.
Association with a well-known name.
I just read an open letter to Oprah from an entertainer who was asked to perform for free at Oprah's "The Life You Want" tour. This is a for-profit tour that will make millions for Oprah and the promoters, yet they're asking local entertainers to perform for free. Sounds like good exposure, right?
Well, maybe not. The local entertainers were put on side stages near the entrance. The attendees were there to see Oprah, not local entertainers. Nearly all of them would walk past these side stages without even glancing over. This "background" entertainment certainly helped Oprah's show by contributing excitement to the atmosphere, but I doubt it helps those entertainers.
In the end...
The next time you're asked to play for free, consider your investment in this performance, then realistically consider the return. Don't listen to their hype, because they will oversell the value of what they're offering.